I Love You But That's Why I Hate Myself
by fujikawaii10346
Summary: Arthur is upset about something and Alfred doesn't know why... A USUK fic for the  late  236th anniversary of the beginning of The Revolution. Rated T for sliiight language. Please review, feedback, criticism and tips are appreciated.


A/N: Thank you Zelda-FF for beta'ing! ^^

Note: This was supposed to be posted on the 18th, but I thought that I already posted it... ^^;; (Sometimes I just fail OTL)

Disclaimer: Copyright Disclaimer Under Section 107 of the Copyright Act 1976, allowance is made for "fair use" for purposes such as criticism, comment, news reporting, teaching, scholarship, and research. Fair use is a use permitted by copyright statute that might otherwise be infringing. Non-profit, educational or personal use tips the balance in favor of fair use

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><p>The Moon Palace Resort Conference Room A was bustling with movement as a hundred-some nations were getting ready to bolt out of the room once Germany deemed it appropriate to end the now-monthly meeting. They were politely making small talk, insulting one another, making date plans, arguing. In other words, the usual.<p>

On second thought... That wasn't very accurate. Everybody was doing those aforementioned things, save for one person that was just packing up quietly and avoiding conversation with the others. Luckily for that person, most people were quick to read the tense atmosphere that seemed to surround him that day.

Unluckily for him a certain superpower was a little below-average in the 'atmosphere reading' area–

"Hey Iggy!"

England twitched at the use of that accursed nickname.

He quickly placed the rest of the papers into his briefcase before turning to face the other man, "What do you want Alfred?"

The bespectacled man pouted slightly, "Wow Iggy, you don't have to snap at me..."

"Just tell me what you want or leave," he gestured to the half-empty room; apparently Germany had ended the meeting.

Alfred raised up both hands in a gesture of mock defeat, "I just wanted to ask you if you wanted to go out with me, Antonio, Francis, Ludwig, Feli, Kiku, Toris, and a few other people for drinks later? It's gonna be epic! Tino and Roddy said that they would even bring Berwald and Vash along and..."

England listened to the younger man ramble on for a little while longer before crassly interrupting him; "You already know the answer to that America," he glared at the other man before turning on his heel and grabbing his case, "I hope you have a fun time and get back home safe. Goodbye, I hope to see you at the next meeting," He said in a monotonous voice, having recited the words in his head before in case of a situation like this. He paused to look at the now dejected looking man before facing the door once more, taking a step forward.

Unfortunately for him, that was about as far as he got before he was stopped by a hand on his shoulder.

He spun around to see a fairly angry looking American glowering at his shoes; "What do you think you're doing? Let go of me this instant, you git!"

If Alfred had heard the command he sure didn't show it, as he kept his firm hold on the Brit's shoulder. Though he did take a deep, shaky breath and glared at the Englishman.

Said man had a confused look on his face, "What's your problem Alfred?"

Another breath identical to the first, but this time, he spoke; "I should be the one asking you that."

"What?"

"Look, I was just trying to be nice by inviting you out with me and the guys... You didn't have to be such a dick about it. You could've just said 'no' like the supposed gentleman you are."

Arthur looked taken aback for a moment before regaining composure once more, "I was just stating what I thought you of all people should already know. Now, are you going to let me go or will I have to ask the front desk to reserve this room for another hour?"

Without any warning, he was jerked backwards. The rigid grip on his shoulder moved to his hand and he was suddenly pulled backwards out of the room and into the hotel lobby. Within minutes, the pair was out in the humid April air walking towards the Englishman's room in the Piña district of the resort.

Fortunately the outdoor hallways were empty, because if anyone had heard England's insults –and bitching in general– they would've probably thought that he was getting kidnapped! Well, he kind of was, but he wasn't really resisting... Just being really annoying. And cursing as much as much as his three older brothers put together– which was definitely a lot.

Finally, after what seemed like forever, they stopped in front of a door. Alfred held out his hand, "Gimme the keys."

Arthur stared blankly at him before reaching into his back pocket and taking out the key. He hesitated before pulling said card out of the American's reach; "Will you promise to leave me alone and go to your own room now?" he pleaded.

"No, we need to talk," America stated before snatching the key away from the other man, not a single tone of compromise in his voice.

He opened the door and shoved the man in, leaving him as a surprised heap on the floor, before going inside himself.

It was a moment before Arthur recovered. It wasn't every day that he got shoved onto his hotel room's floor after being forcefully taken there... But nevertheless, he did reclaim his composure and was able to start back up on his seemingly never ending rant before America grabbed hold of his collar, thrust him up against the nearest wall and crushed their lips together in a sloppy French kiss[1]. Then, as abruptly as he initiated it, Alfred pulled away and stared at the now bright red Briton in front of him.

"What the hell was that, you git?" the man cursed angrily.

"It was the only way to get you to shut up. Now, why don't you stop acting like a bratty little bitch and just tell me what's wrong already?" The look on his face was hard, but the emotion in his voice suggested something else... Genuinely worried, yet completely confused at the same time. And frustrated. Definitely frustrated.

"You want to know why I'm acting like," he made air quotes, "a bratty little bitch? You really need to be told why I'm feeling this way?"

"Yes!" America half shouted, in the most exasperated tone he could muster, "did I stutter?"

England pushed the taller man from him as he made his way towards the bed and plopped down on it. He crossed his arms and legs before lifting his nose up in the way a supposed 'bratty little bitch' would; "You of all people should know, Alfred. Don't you even know what today is?"

"What?" Alfred paused, running a hand through his wheat blonde hair[2] and stood there more confused than ever before,_ 'Well, last time I checked, it's not my birthday yet... Not for another two months...'_ He thought, before realizing a piece on information almost forgotten in history, "Oh... Come on Arthur, really? Be reasonable! It was one day. There was a whole damn war after that!"

The Englishman glared daggers at his former colony, eyes glossier than usual because of the tears already starting to form in them, "Alfred... If you hadn't done that, there probably wouldn't have been a fucking war!"

"Iggy..." He took a single wary step towards the bed, as if the person sitting on it were a ticking time bomb[3], "I never told you the reason I did that... Did I?"

Arthur glared at him once more, "Yes, yes you did. You decided that you were too good for taxes, which by the way were raised because you had to pay me back somehow, and then you declared war against me. Don't worry, I remember it clearly," his voice was just seething with rage as he continued on, "So don't worry about me messing up any details."

_The rain poured, relentless and uncaring, as if it would never stop... But amid the brutal storm stood two men[4]._

_"England... I'm not your colony, nor am I your little brother anymore, so stop treating me like I am! From now on... From now on, I choose liberty! Acknowledge it!"_

_"I will not!" With a final burst of energy, the smaller of the men charged towards the other, looking as if he were aiming to kill the man with the bayonet at the end of his musket. Luckily for the taller man, the sword-like appendage missed and damaged the gun instead of himself. Said gun was knocked out of his hands though, and sailed through the air, landing in the mud a few feet away._

_Even if the Redcoat did manage to work up the nerve to shoot the other man, he knew that it would've have been of any use; neither of them died the way humans did._

_And so, the Briton armed and ready to fire as the American stood defenseless. England aimed, finger on the trigger, threatening to press down... When his knees collapsed from under him._

_He finally gave in and let an agonized sob escape, "Y-You idiot! You were never able to follow anything through to the end... So why... Why do you choose to finish this, out of all things?"_

_"England..." America looked down at his former mentor, a mix of pity, regret, and disappointment pooling in his heart, "you used to be so big..."_

_Said man wiped at his eyes, trying to stop the tears, but they just kept coming as if a dam inside him had burst..._

Back in the hotel room, Arthur had stopped talking and was trying to blink away the tears that pricked his eyes.

The room was pretty much silent except for Arthur's occasional sniffle. Finally, after what seemed like the longest two minutes in the history of man, Alfred decided to break the tension, "Iggy-"

"There you have it," Arthur suddenly interrupted, "I gave you the reason why I was upset. Now go."

"No," Alfred started in a tone harsher than he had intended, "Look... I was angry..." he continued in a much softer tone, "But that wasn't the real reason why I decided to separate from you."

"What then?" Arthur inquired. In contrast, his voice was much too soft for his liking, even though in reality, it made the American want to cringe.

America turned to England, his sky blue orbs locked onto the other man's emerald ones, "I loved you. And I still do! That's why I left... So you could see me as something other than your son, or whatever I said."

England's eyes widened and inside, Alfred hoped that he wasn't too mad, "Please tell me that you love me too, Arthur..."

That instant, Arthur's surprised expression became a bashful one; "Of course I do, you git..."

Alfred's face began to show the first signs of a grin, but those plans were crushed within the next few seconds because then England's cute look morphed back into his regular angry one, "But that's why I hate myself so much..." he hissed as spitefully as he could.

America stood baffled as to why the other man said what he said, "Wait, what? No! You don't understand!"

England looked the other man straight in the eye and glared at him; "Of course I understand! When someone breaks your heart it means they love you! I'm such an idiot for not seeing that!" he spat mockingly, despite the growing lump in his throat.

"What? No! Listen to me Iggy-"

"Don't you dare call me that!" his voice was absolutely venomous, and the emotion that showed on his face definitely reflected that. But it didn't last long, as his expression went from vicious to sad, then to just plain exhausted. Even his words seemed to have been sapped of all their energy; "Now would you please leave before I call security? I'm so tired..." he pleaded.

The American took a long look at him before dropping his head and putting his hands in the pockets of his pants; "I'm sorry..." he murmured, barely audible as he trudged towards the door.

"Alfred..." England half-whispered, "I loved you too... I still do, but the revolution just too big of an event to ignore.. I don't think I'll ever he able to let it go. And in the event something like that were to happen again, I don't know if I would be able to handle that pain on top of everything that I feel now..."

America turned to look at him with a hopeful look on his face, "Then I won't give you any pain to worry about! Arthur Kirkland, I have loved you with my whole entire heart since I can remember and as far as I know, that fact isn't going to change any time soon, or in the distant future. So please, give me a chance! And I don't care how long it takes for you to decide! Five minutes or five-hundred years, I don't care! All I know right now is that I'm willing to wait forever if it means that I get to be the one that gets to hold you, to comfort you, and best of all, the one that makes you happy!"

Arthur blinked once. Twice. Then three times. He looked up at Alfred who was already halfway to the door, got up, and took a few steps in the other man's direction. Once he was close enough, he wrapped his arms around the American's neck and pulled him closer so they could share a kiss. Short and sweet, completely chaste. Unlike the one they had earlier...

Once they parted, the two just looked at one another. The taller man looking slightly confused and the shorter one with his an expression resembling Lovino's, but with a slight tinge of pink.

The former realized what had happened and this time, there was nothing to stop him from grinning; "So is that a yes?"

The latter's face lit up bright red as he nodded. Alfred's grin just grew wider at his now boyfriend's face as he threw his arms around the smaller man and managed to land them both safely on the bed. _'As red as one of Antonio's tomatoes,'_ he thought fondly when the similarly colored numbers on the digital alarm clock that was perched precariously on the nightstand caught his attention.

"Oh."

"Hmm?" Arthur inquired as he nuzzled Alfred's neck, resting comfortably against him.

"It's only 8:45... We can still make it on time to meet the guys downstairs if we hurry up..." he pulled away and gave the man his signature 'pleading puppy dog eyes' look. The same one that, if used correctly, could be used to get anything from Arthur. Anything.

Arthur sighed but before he could retort, Alfred cut him off, "You can get piss drunk and not have to worry about getting back to your room at all! But I can't protect you from a hangover, so that's all you have to be concerned about! Feel free to drink to your heart's content!"

England sighed again, but gave in and said yes, "But you bring me back to my room if I pass out, okay?"

"Scout's honor! Now go get changed! I'll be back in ten minutes. Go!" Alfred shouted as he grabbed Arthur's hand and pushed him to the door.

Meanwhile, the other man smiled, "What am I going to do about you..."

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><p>[1]Insert horribly french-accented laugh riight... Here<p>

[2]Read: Great plains

[3]Well...

[4]I know that Alfred's soldiers were there too, but I want them to be alone. It's a [bleep] fanfiction!

A/N: Just in case you didn't catch it, the thing was "The shot heard round the world" hence it being posted today even though I've had it ready since late January... It is the... 236th anniversary of the 'start' of the Revolution... So this might turn into a two-shot that goes on to what happens at the bar, but it all depends on the feedback and whether I feel like it.

Fun Fact (1): This was supposed to be a total drama-fest. It was originally intended that there would be no specific ending... Meaning I wouldve ended it with Arthur's little speech... But once you write fluff, you can't seem to stop, so it ended up having a happy ending~

Fun Fact (2): I'm still waiting for someone to help me out with adding the phrase "raging boner" to a non-lemon story...

Fun Fact (3): I have absolutely _no _idea why I randomly included Antonio and Lovi in this...

Why I ask for Reviews:

Why do I ask for reviews? Isn't it enough that you fave/alert? Well, as much as a fave/alert is appreciated, it's like saying: "I'll put this story on my faves since it's pretty cool." Yeah... No. See if you do that, then actually, it doesn't make me feel good_ at all_! It just tells me that my story was good enough to be put on someone's favorites, but not worth enough for a review. That in turn, discourages me from writing any more stories. Now do you see why I ask for reviews? And keep in mind that this doesn't just apply to me. It applies to... Probably most of the authors that write on here. If we just write for ourselves, then what's the use of putting it up online? _Keep it in your notebook if you're writing for yourself. _Admit it, you're looking for _feedback. _I already did.


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